Today has probably been one of the worst days i’ve had in a while.
I’m really starting to become irritated with my mom. She’s been a real bitch the last few weeks, and now she’s decided to get remarried to my step dad for the third time in less than two years. For the last three weeks she’s been slipping back into her old ways and it’s really taking a toll on me. Today, however, after she told me that her and my step dad are getting back together and that was my christmas present, she also told me that her and my sister got into a heated argument.
If anyone knows me, I don’t really talk about my sister because our relationship is basically over. I don’t really see her as a person, nor do I really care for her. BUT, this last week we had somewhat of a bonding experience and she told me that she was going to give me her cat because she’s being deployed to South Korea in February.
If anyone knows me, they also know that I love animals. This made me really happy because, recently, my mother got rid of my dog. It was really hard to see a pet that I raised for three years be taken away from me like that, and since then I’ve really wanted a new pet to be with me. So I was really excited to hear that I was going to have a new friend to play with. But as usual, my mom fucking ruins everything for me. She told my sister not to give her cat to me during their heated argument and all this stupid shit. This really pissed me off because my mom knows how I feel about having an animal. I should have seen this coming because my mother literally ruins a lot of things for me.
And lastly to add on to it all, I’ve been really dealing with self image. I’ve recently gained a lot of weight and it has made me feel disgusting. Today I felt like cutting all of my skin off and letting the fat sludge off of my body. No one truly knows how it feels to be me, and that’s a good thing. I don’t value myself as a person. I’m constantly reminded of the times where I was fat and gross and stuck with a low-budget therapist that basically tried convincing me that I was crazy.
But on the bright side I am going on a date tomorrow with this guy that I really like. He makes me feel good and has reassured the fact that he thinks I am worth something. I’m really excited.